And another one bites the dust

This weekend BB and I had all four kids together for the first time.

Overwhelming? Yes.

Exhausting? Yes.

Did it change my mind at all about wanting to be with him? No.

Did it change his mind? Yes.

Right now, he's "mulling things over". Apparently, he underestimated the challenge that four children would bring and in his words right now he, "doesn't want this weekend."

Fuck.

I had my whole future dreamed up with him. I actually believed that he was "the one".

Apparently, the two most important people in my life are deal breakers in his eyes.

I know that he was overwhelmed and freaked out, but why throw away our entire future over one weekend? Of course, it's going to be crazy... it was the first weekend they were all together. Jesus, give it another chance...

My heart hurts... but at the same time, I'm glad I found out now instead of moving down there and then him figuring out that he couldn't do it.

Honestly, I can't fault him for feeling like this. However, I do think it's kind of hypocritical. He always bitched about how his exes left him because things got too tough and they just couldn't handle the Army bullshit or whatever. He's doing the exact same thing to me... he can't handle the kids... even though he fucking has kids.

Maybe he just needs more time to process and he'll decide that this is something he could do, or rather something he wants to do. Jesus Christ, it sure does sting though. He thinks I am utterly perfect for him and kept telling me over and over if it was just me and him, but it's not and it never will be, so the point is moot.

With this whole fiasco brought the realization that a single mother with two kids that can't have anymore kids is not exactly a prime catch... I thought I'd just hit the jackpot with BB and that he was going to accept and love the whole package. Obviously, I gave him a little too much credit.