Ahh home, let me go home. Home is wherever I'm with you. -Home/Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

Man, I hardly ever write in here, but when I do... WHOO BOY... don't I have news?!

Drum roll please...

I AM ENGAGED!

Germy Germ popped the question a few weeks ago. It was mellow, low key, no pomp and circumstance... I wouldn't have wanted it any different.

We were at the house, where we first started, and he was acting REALLY weird. I kept asking if he was pissed off or what was going on. Anyway, we're in my room and he pulls me to the side of the bed and he's on the floor and all the sudden he goes in SUPER SRS mode.

He told me that he loved me more than he ever imagined possible, I was the epitome of everything he wanted in a person, that he loved my kids and felt blessed to be apart of their lives, loved how I was with his girls and that as long as I was around, he felt that everything would be okay.

The ring is GORGEOUS. I helped design it, but I wasn't real sure how it would turn out. I loooooooooove it.

My mom is not speaking to me... she apparently has nothing to say to me that I would like to hear, so, yeah. I spilled my heart out to her and she's yet to respond in any tangible way.

You know, I have spent my life bending over backwards to make that woman proud of me and she has made me feel like I was an utter failure over and over again. I love that woman, but I'm ready to stop letting her dictate my opinion of myself. I am an amazing mother, I am a good person and am a very very happy individual. I may not have lots of money in the bank or some fancy title next to my name, but Jesus Christ, if you can't be proud that your kid turned out to be a happy, well adjusted person... what exactly do you need from them?

I'm learning how to be in this "step-mom" role. We're fortunate that all the kids are young, his are 7 and almost 9, so we don't have to deal with teenage hormones on top of everything. That doesn't mean that there's not an adjustment.

We're learning how to handle disciplining the kids together and how to have each other's backs. I've tried to be consistent with my discipline of the kids and I guess for the most part I do a pretty good job of it. I'm the same way with his girls that I am with my kids and when Germy's not around, they do exactly as I tell them. When he is around... different story.

Both of his girls are poster children for "Daddy's Little Girls" and I love their relationship, BUT it does make discipline a little bit of a sore point. His youngest definitely has his card when it comes to that.

It's just hard. I know how I felt whenever my dad and step mom got serious and how all my territorial instincts came out. That was MY daddy and who did this woman think she was telling me how to act? But at the same time, I also have two kids watching my relationship with his girls and I don't want anybody to think that anyone is getting preferential treatment. I don't want the girls thinking that I'm trying to take their dad away from them, but at the same time, I don't want two kids to dictate the boundaries of our relationship.

We're getting through it and talking it out... Germy Germ's not exactly thrilled whenever we talk about it because while he agrees that I have a point, he doesn't enjoy feeling like I'm mad at him or not happy with the way he's doing things.

Good Heavens! Who knew?

A's pre-K registration is on Monday. When did that happen? When did that little baby that I learned how to take care of by stumbling blindly through day-by-day become a kid that needs to be registered for formal schooling?

Summertime and the living's easy...

Holy crap... over 3 months since my last post. I guess I've been kind of busy, or something.

Let's see...

Germy Germ (Jerm, Bachelor Man) and I are absolutely magically wonderful. We went to a concert in Austin at the beginning of March and the dynamic of our relationship changed completely. The "L Bomb" was dropped and it seems like we've been running forward ever since.

We're fixing up a house on my BIL's property and plan on moving in the first of July.

Also, I've picked out a ring...

The wedding wouldn't be until late Spring/early Summer next year, so that's a good thing... put a little bit of time into it so we're not jumping into something.

He is amazing with the kids and his kids are amazing. I'm actually staying at home with all FOUR kids during the summer.

Which brings me to my summer vacation... so far I have spent the first two days of playing stay at home mommy in my swim suit for 90% of the time. Germy and I are going to Austin for a show July 1st, then it's the lake for our family reunion that weekend, then Dallas for a vacation with all 6 of us which includes the Jonas Brothers/Demi Lovato/Camp Rock tour... plus random little trips. It's slightly insane keeping track of all four kids, plus my niece when she comes over, but I think after a couple weeks, I'll have it down. Having a swimming pool and living out on 15 acres of land doesn't hurt.

Things with M are... strained to say the least. I talked to one of his best friends that works for the VA and he wants to get him into a rehab facility. While he's not drinking, he's definitely dependent on prescriptions (anti depressants, xanax, some other stuff). M's pulling the act where he saying he's hiring a lawyer and taking me to court and he's going for custody of the kids and at this point, I almost think that him doing that would be a good thing. At least he wouldn't be able to say that he didn't get a fair shake if I was awarded the kids... again (which I'm 99.9% sure I would be). It just pisses me off that he had the opportunity to take part in the divorce proceedings the first time around and chose not to and is forever pissed with the outcome, even though he didn't screwed over in the slightest. M's buddy told me that he thinks that M is finally realizing that he doesn't have anybody to blame except himself for his current situation and that he's not liking that realization, probably because it means he'd have to take responsibility for something and Lord knows he doesn't know how to do that.

I'm feeling the urge to go back to school again. I know. I know. I know. 47th time's a charm right? I think I'm going to try and take whatever classes online that I can and kind of ease back into the school thing. Every time I tried to get back in, I did what I always do and went completely balls to the wall... 21 hours in one semester while pregnant? NOT. SMART. Germy should be making enough money that by the time I'm ready to hit the books full time on campus that I could probably do that without having to work and that would help A. LOT. I'm going to finish up cosmetology, but I definitely have my sights set on something a little bit more intellectually stimulating.