It is much easier to become a father than to be one. -Kent Nerburn

I hate when I get to the point where I just want my kids to go to their dad ASAP. It makes me feel like a horrible mother and I'm not.

My kids have a father. They have a father that they love very much and think that he absolutely rules the world.

I bring down the fevers and get milk in the middle of the night and sleep in a cramped fetal position because they make their way to my bed and I'm too tired to turn them away. I do homework, I read stories, I do hair, I put together outfits, I fix boo-boos. I give hugs and kisses, I sing songs, I drive them here and there. I take them to see family. I'm there 24/7. Yet, their dad is the rock star.

I get it. Does it piss me off from time to time? Yes, but I get it. They see him every other weekend. They see me day in and day out. They're with him long enough to have fun, but not long enough to get in any real trouble or for the novelty of being with their dad to wear off. Of course he's going to be the "fun" parent.

What pisses me off is that he consistently lets them down. He says he'll be here on Friday and then suddenly he's too tired/stressed/whatever to get them, can he get them tomorrow? I'm the one that has to break it to them. All. The. Time. I have to watch them at the window waiting for their dad who inevitably doesn't show up. I'm the one they have to settle with.

I'm tired. I'm stressed. Somehow I still manage to take care of my children and love them fiercely.

I'm not one of those vindictive exes that wants to keep the kids all to myself. I want them to have a relationship with their dad. If he lived here, I would split the time 50/50 with him, but he refuses to move closer despite the fact that there's NOTHING for him where he is now.

I am thankful that we have Jeremy in our life because he gives the kids a stable father figure, but I'm also sad that my kids can't rely on their biological dad for that. I feel like he's going to break Ava's heart one day and I just don't think that a girl's first heartbreak should come from her father.