Man I do not want to look at the bank account right now.
I ordered Jeremy and Corbin's custom Vans and the girls' and mine custom Converse shoes for the wedding, my wedding dress, Corbin's suit and the girls' dresses today. Tomorrow I have to get a cashier's check for the photographer and then I believe I will take a break from wedding purchases for a bit. I'm gonna have to pay for all this stuff either way, but it's less painful when the expenses are spaced out a bit.
We're finally back in our house. We've been back about a week, so that's nice. Jeremy's parents were more than hospitable, but if the kids go wild over here, the only people that they're bothering is me and that's par for the course.
So, my great granny died last week. While it's sad when anyone dies, she was 95 and definitely lived a full life and from what I can tell from when we went and visited her last time, she was ready. I went down to visit with family, which I was planning before she passed away since my aunt and uncle were going to be in town. It was nice seeing everyone and Ava and Corbin getting to spend time with them, but I wasn't quite prepared for the emotional toll that the memorial service would have on me. My mom's side of the family are Jehovah's Witnesses, my mom is currently disfellowshipped. She's basically cut off from all of her family. Since I was never baptized, I get to have a relationship with my mother and her family. I feel fortunate that I'm able to carry on that relationship, especially because I have kids and I think one of the most precious thing you can equip your children with are a "tribe" of their own. I can't help but feel guilty from time to time because of my mom not having the same privilege.
The memorial service kind of brought everything to a head. I haven't experienced being back in the Kingdom Hall since I was about 14 or so and to see my mom be in that so very uncomfortable environment surrounded by family that only speaks to her when forced to in situations such as these... it was just too much. I had a break down, during, after... ugh. Emotionally exhausting! This is why I hate religion. Be spiritual, believe in whatever Being you want to, but don't let some religion dictate who you can and can't love or have a relationship with. Isn't God supposed to all love? How in the world is removing your entire family an act of a loving God?
Other than that little episode, all is well. Jeremy and I are doing great and rolling with the punches. My kids are becoming so close to him and it makes my heart swell every time. I fell in love with Jeremy and they accepted him, but to witness Jeremy falling in love with them and, on their own time, them falling in love with him... it is indescribable.
And now, for a little music:
12. Hello Sunshine - Happy Endings
13. The Poet - Ryan Bingham
14. Funeral - Band of Horses
15. No One's Gonna Love You - Band of Horses
16. Helplessness Blues - Fleet Foxes
17. Let's Pretend - No-Fi Soul Rebellion
18. Hold On To What You Believe - Mumford and Sons
19. Dreaming of You - The Coral
20. Hey - Pixies
21. Low Rising - The Swell Season
22. The Big Guns - Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins
23. House of Gold - Breathe Owl Breathe
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