There is darkness all around us I don't feel weak but I do need sometimes for her to protect me And reconnect me to the beauty that I'm missin' -January Wedding/The Avett Brothers

What I would give to see these guys perform live.

January Wedding - The Avett Brothers


Man, I'm watching The Avett Brothers on Austin City Limits and I am feeling it. I used to sit down and listen to music and now it's just kind of background noise. I miss letting it take control of my emotions and just going with it. I don't know if I'm just in a mood or if The Avett Brothers are really that profound, but it's soul stirring music on the TV right now.

In other news, I'm getting married in less than two months.

Shit.

I have SO much to do but I'm just channeling my procrastinating side and figure that I'll be more inspired/motivated when it gets closer. I am so ready for the day. A little bit of it is due to wanting to be done with the planning, but the majority of the reason is because I can not wait to marry Jeremy. I can't wait to see him standing, waiting for me to join him in front of our friends and family as I officially become his wife. AHH!

I am so in love with that man, it's not even funny. We had the weekend to ourselves and Friday we had an amazing dinner and grabbed some coffee and walked around downtown Midland and just talked about random stuff. Yesterday we spent all day in bed being stupid and hanging out. It was lovely. I love that I live with my best friend and that the one person in the world who I want to hang out with constantly wants to hang out with me all the time too. Add to the fact that my children adore him and from time to time, I think that they prefer him over me, but that's because I play Bad Cop.

Anyhow, I'm excited as can be and am super hoping that it all falls together.

You're the only reason I keep on coming home. -Sweet Pea/Amos Lee

What it do, Internets?

Today is my best friend's son's 5th birthday. He was born exactly 5 months after Ava and was also a little bitty premie, that has turned into a great big moose of a boy. I think I'm more nostalgic-y about his birthday than I was Ava's. When did our babies get so big?

I've decided to start "smart" grocery shopping. We spend a ridiculous amount of money on eating out and our grocery bill is astronomical when we do an actual full fledged stocking up trip. I spent a couple hours scouring the ads and finding some coupons for stuff we need. I don't think I'm quite to the point where I'm going to do that crazy extreme couponing business, but if we can save some money and have food here that the kids will actually eat... that'll be awesome.

The suits for both of my boys are in. I can't wait to see them all dressed up in their man attire.

My dress is still in China somewhere, hopefully being manufactured into something that is going to knock everyone's socks off. REALLY trying not to get my expectations too high. I did, however, order a dress for our engagement pictures from Modcloth where I want all of my clothes to come from so I can be the indie/wanna be hipster that I see myself as but totally don't look.

And now for some music...

34. Acid Tongue - Jenny Lewis


35. My Boy Builds Coffins - Florence and the Machine


36. Sweet Pea - Amos Lee


37. Shake Me Down - Cage the Elephant


38. Can't Help Falling In Love - Ingrid Michaelson


39. One Day - Sharon Van Etten


40. No Strings - Mayer Hawthorne


41. The Truth - Alexander


42. Rolling Sea - Vetiver





The perfect tattoo... the one I believe we are all struggling toward... is the one that turned the jackass into a zebra. -Cliff Raven

Somebody got a tattoo!

I got the one on my left shoulder basically redone because the guy who did it originally SUCKED ASS. It looks soooooooo much better. It's three little birds because I used to sign Three Little Birds to Ava and Corbin when they were babies. Ava's the purple bird, Corbin's the green one and I'm the red one.

The one on my left is a line from Forever Young by Bob Dylan (which is going to be my father/daughter dance), "May your heart always be joyful and may your song always be sung." He put some jasmine flowers in the filigree since my name comes from Jasmine. I LOVE IT. The lines are super crisp and as far as tattoos go it wasn't painful at all. Louis the Tattooist at Blue Collar Art rocks the freakin' house. I'm so glad I found someone that does good work.

I have the end of Spring Break blues. I'm getting my babies back today which I'm so excited about, but my goodness it's been nice having some time to myself.

34. We No Speak Americano - Yolanda Be Cool Vrs DCup

35. My Chick Bad - Ludacris Ft Nicki Minaj

36. S&M - Rihanna

I guess every superhero need his theme music. -Power/Kanye West

I am over wedding planning. OVER IT! I decided to look up music instead. Yay music.

31. Power - Kanye West



32. What I Have Left - Mike Bones



33. Me Vale - Mana (Jeremy's mom's Lexus has the radio controls on the steering wheel, which led to me changing the radio station every .2 seconds and this was on one of the 8903890 Spanish stations. I had to Shazam it because I couldn't figure out if it was in English or not)

Thought I'd never see the love you found in me. Walking On A Dream/Empire of the Sun

Jerm and I had a date night last night and part of it consisted of seeing Hall Pass which had some awesome music in it. I'd expound on date night, but I'm still recuperating from it, so instead you get music. Ta Da.

24. Art Isn't Real - Deer Tick



25. Psychic City - YACHT



26. When They Fight, They Fight - The Generationals



27. Walking On A Dream - Empire Of the Sun



28. Tighten Up - The Black Keys



29. Everywhere I Go - Lissie



30. Quiet Little Voices- We Were Promised Jet Packs

May your heart always be joyful and may your song always be sung. -Forever Young/Bob Dylan

Man I do not want to look at the bank account right now.

I ordered Jeremy and Corbin's custom Vans and the girls' and mine custom Converse shoes for the wedding, my wedding dress, Corbin's suit and the girls' dresses today. Tomorrow I have to get a cashier's check for the photographer and then I believe I will take a break from wedding purchases for a bit. I'm gonna have to pay for all this stuff either way, but it's less painful when the expenses are spaced out a bit.

We're finally back in our house. We've been back about a week, so that's nice. Jeremy's parents were more than hospitable, but if the kids go wild over here, the only people that they're bothering is me and that's par for the course.

So, my great granny died last week. While it's sad when anyone dies, she was 95 and definitely lived a full life and from what I can tell from when we went and visited her last time, she was ready. I went down to visit with family, which I was planning before she passed away since my aunt and uncle were going to be in town. It was nice seeing everyone and Ava and Corbin getting to spend time with them, but I wasn't quite prepared for the emotional toll that the memorial service would have on me. My mom's side of the family are Jehovah's Witnesses, my mom is currently disfellowshipped. She's basically cut off from all of her family. Since I was never baptized, I get to have a relationship with my mother and her family. I feel fortunate that I'm able to carry on that relationship, especially because I have kids and I think one of the most precious thing you can equip your children with are a "tribe" of their own. I can't help but feel guilty from time to time because of my mom not having the same privilege.

The memorial service kind of brought everything to a head. I haven't experienced being back in the Kingdom Hall since I was about 14 or so and to see my mom be in that so very uncomfortable environment surrounded by family that only speaks to her when forced to in situations such as these... it was just too much. I had a break down, during, after... ugh. Emotionally exhausting! This is why I hate religion. Be spiritual, believe in whatever Being you want to, but don't let some religion dictate who you can and can't love or have a relationship with. Isn't God supposed to all love? How in the world is removing your entire family an act of a loving God?

Other than that little episode, all is well. Jeremy and I are doing great and rolling with the punches. My kids are becoming so close to him and it makes my heart swell every time. I fell in love with Jeremy and they accepted him, but to witness Jeremy falling in love with them and, on their own time, them falling in love with him... it is indescribable.

And now, for a little music:

12. Hello Sunshine - Happy Endings


13. The Poet - Ryan Bingham


14. Funeral - Band of Horses


15. No One's Gonna Love You - Band of Horses


16. Helplessness Blues - Fleet Foxes


17. Let's Pretend - No-Fi Soul Rebellion


18. Hold On To What You Believe - Mumford and Sons


19. Dreaming of You - The Coral


20. Hey - Pixies


21. Low Rising - The Swell Season


22. The Big Guns - Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins


23. House of Gold - Breathe Owl Breathe

Music is my religion. -Jimi Hendrix

So, there's this blog and I got the idea to make a "Life List" from it. I'm working up to 100 things and they can be found right over here on the right. I got a little lax on finding new music after I had the children folk and since music is something I've always been SO passionate about... that's NO good. I want to seek out music, stumble upon it, soak it in. Stuff with feeling, stuff that is shallow but puts a little pep in my step, stuff that just sounds awesome. I want a new song for every day of the year for a grand total of 365, obviously. Here's the beginning...

1. Jezebel - Iron and Wine


2. Hoppipolla - Sigur Ros


3. Chandeliers - Summer Fiction


4. Block After Block - Matt and Kim


5. All Summer - Kid Cudi ft. Rostam Batmanglij and Bethany Cosentino



6. As We Enter - Nas and Damian Marley



7. Brand New Colony - The Postal Service



8. In the Cold, Cold Night - The White Stripes



9. Jesus Christ - Brand New



10. Clementine - Washington



11. Comes and Goes - Greg Laswell



And that's enough new material for now. BUT, a song came on that I've been in love with for over a year and every time I hear it, it takes my breath away, if only for just a second.