As a mom, a single mom, there are moments when you feel like you can't answer one more "But why?" question, you can't change one more diaper, you can't tell someone to eat dinner one more freaking time, you can't pick the spoon up off the floor for the 438593405843095th time. Then there are days when you feel like everything short of unicorns are flying out of your kids' asses because they are so wonderful. Unfortunately, the unicorn flying days don't come near as often as the mommy-does-not-like days. So I really like to relish in the unicorn flying days.
I haven't talked specifically about the kids in awhile... so get ready.
A's three favorite non-children oriented songs right now are "Swing" by Savage and Soulja Boy, Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright or Jeff Beck and If You're Gonna Play in Texas by Alabama. I love that her taste in music is completely random and off the wall because that is completely how mine is. She talks... OH she talks all the time. She has developed a Texas twang, but living with my mom and myself, she really didn't have a snowball's chance in Hell of not developing one. A lot of the questions she asks don't seem like something a nearly 4 year old should be pondering. She's inquisitive and I love it, even if it means I have to answer a billion and one questions a day. I try and answer her questions to the best of my abilities but I'll admit there are times when my response is "I. Don't. Know." She is sweet and caring and wants everyone to be her friend. She gets along amazingly well with adults. All the teachers at her school love her and she invites them all to come sleep in her bed (which is my bed) for a big party. One of the teachers told A it was her birthday on Saturday and A told the teacher she was going to go buy her some flowers. She is an amazing big sister. AMAZING. She likes to play disciplinarian with C, so I have to watch that. If I get on to him about something and she catches him doing it, she'll swat at his hand or wag her finger at him and give him a stern talking to. She's extremely maternal, which makes my heart soar. She takes after my mom A LOT personality wise and my mom's not the most nurturing of people, so I like that she possesses the strong female side of my mother but also has a soft side to her. The kid is stubborn as all hell. Dinner time is absolutely ridiculous. She could go days without eating and you could put a huge bowl of her favorite food in front of her and tell her to eat and she will go on a hunger strike out of principle. She will eat when she damn well pleases to apparently. I've had to be a little bit more strict with her eating habits as we are not living in a third world country and should not be training for our new life in Ethiopia. She's very open with her emotions and I'm completely dreading the teenage years because, you know, that whole extremely emotionally expressive at THREE bodes well for ten years down the road. She'll hear a song that's mellow and get really solemn about it. It amazes me how intensely she feels. I will never get tired of her telling me that I'm "a berry berry good mommy."
I knew that there would be a difference with the two kids. They're two different people and one's a boy and one's a girl. I never knew how dramatically different my feelings for them would be. I love them both with my whole heart, but the relationship or bond or something that I can't put my finger on is just so insanely different. A has always been so independent, from the time she was born she was doing her own thing and everyone else was along for the ride. C is the complete opposite. He's content to hop aboard and go for the ride, no need to conduct it. A has a complete Type A personality and C is a total Type B personality. It makes me laugh because A looks just like me and C looks just like M, but as far as their personalities go... complete opposite.
C is my buddy. The word "mama" comes out of his mouth 95% of the time he's chattering about and it is awesome. He loves to make people laugh and is into this thing where he'll make himself fall down on purpose and make this noise that sounds like it should be coming out of a surfer's mouth when he wipes out. The kid LOVES music. Dancing With the Stars was on last night and he was spinning around in circles with his hands up in the air, just performing right along with them. I've turned him into quite the football fan. Anytime anyone cheers during a football game on TV his arms automatically go up to signal a TD and he says "Tu-down!" He also is very good at getting his guns up and shaking his hand at the TV while yelling "Go go go!" He's a lot more hesitant than A was. I know you're not supposed to compare your kids, but how can you not? A jumps into everything head first without looking back... C likes to take his time with things. The boy loves boobs. LOVES them. He loves people with boobs and the bigger, the better. There's a lady at their school that has huge, insanely big boobs and 90% of the afternoons that I go to pick them up, his nuzzled up in her chest just happy as can be. No doubt that kid is going to be a boob man. He's started to do this drama queen thing that is so ridiculous though. When he's not getting what he wants or something isn't working the way he wants to or life as a nearly 17 month old just gets too overwhelming he'll throw himself on the floor and lay on his back and just wail like the world is coming to an end. I treat these episodes much like I did when A had them... by looking at him and walking away. I figure everyone likes to have a pity party every once in awhile and that's just C's version of a pity party. He runs with his arms swung behind him like he's trying to be as aerodynamic as possible, hoping he grows out of that. He wants to be outside 24 hours of the day and when he's inside and it's still light out, he goes to the window and just watches outside. There's no way I can get just an apartment when I move out, I'm gonna have to rent a house, with a yard. He loves animals and he loves sitting in small C-sized chairs. He has a blankie, officially. He has to have to it when he gets out of bed and when he gets in bed and preferably within close range during all the other hours of the day. He'll grab it and throw it on the ground and then throw himself on top of it and just bury his face in it. Cutest thing ever. When he's not cuddling with it, he's biting it with his teeth like a puppy. He's absolutely all boy and is ornery already. He knows what he is and isn't supposed to get into, but he still gets into it, while looking right at you, and smiling. It's infuriating and adorable all at the same time. He "jumps" by bending his legs and popping up really fast... I wouldn't say he has mad hops yet.
People that I talk to that have gone through a divorce without kids always tell me how much harder it must be with kids. Financially, it's gonna be harder, but really... I bet it's infinitely harder to go through a divorce without kids. With the kids around there's something to focus your energy on, there's a constant reason to keep moving forward... A and C have been my true North and I know without them this whole thing, these past 4 years would've been infinitely harder and I honestly may not have made it out alive. I love them for that and I love that I will always always have something incredible, two somethings!, that I've done right in my life.
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