Likes:

• Jeremy and I went to the fair yesterday and got to eat corndogs and roasted corn and fried cheese (yuck), watch Zumba (which I'm totally going to do once I get this GODFORSAKEN boot off of my foot), and then watched a roller derby bout
• We also went and hung out with my mom and her manfriend to watch the UT-TTU game. The game was not so much a like, but I think my mom knows that J is not some evil man looking to take her daughter from her and she hugged him as we left, much better
• Sleeping until noon today. OMG it is so good. I'm still laying in bed.
• Ava throwing her guns up in between plays during her soccer game yesterday

Dislikes:

• I miss Mike Leach. TTU games are just not as exciting to watch as they used to be. They're just a subpar college team that are a dime a dozen. Boo.
• GODFORSAKEN boot
• Learning that just the actions (sometimes quite thoughtless) of J's ex are out of his control and that even though I didn't choose to have her in my life, I chose to have J in my life and she comes along with that because she is his baby mama after all.
• Ava's coach needs to start coaching, perhaps teaching some concepts of the game. She played a team of 4-5 yr olds yesterday that kicked their aaaaaaaaaass. Had one little girl that would go jump in goalie spot whenever Ava's team got close to scoring. They were off the chain and everyone knows I don't like getting beat, even if it's my daughter's team getting beat.

Next time I see you, I'm giving you a high five, cause hugs are overrated. -S.O.S./Jonas Brothers

Baby Jesus

We survived the Camp Rock 2: Final Jam concert extravaganza.

There were a few tiffs here and there, but overall, for our first family (minus Corbin) outing, it was pretty good. Definitely memorable.

Jonas Brothers aren't the coolest band, but it's making music accessible to younger kids and I want Ava to develop the same kind of love for music that I have, so I'm all right with her swooning over them right now... I just hope in the future, she'll develop a bit of a more educated love of music instead of what the radio feeds here. /end music snob rant

The girls all had their first soccer games on Saturday and it was insanity. Emma's was filled with DRAMA from the parents and the coaches and completely made it 100% entertaining. Ren's team is pretty good and she got to be the captain. Ava scored ELEVEN goals. ELEVEN. She was on fire. She goes for that ball and does not let up AT ALL. She's not quite getting that the team is on her side and she doesn't have to get the ball away from them, but she'll get it. I was bursting with pride for sure and probably need to work on my sideline mom-ness, but HELLO, my kid rocked it.

We've listened to more of life's end gong than the sound of life's sweet bells. -Missed the Boat/Modest Mouse

I will be attending the Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam LIVE! concert in Dallas on Sunday.

My music soul is crying a little bit.

Thankfully, I will be in the company of 3 little girls aged 4-9, so I feel as though the music gods will spare me a lashing or two.

This will be our first "family" trip, minus a Corbin since he's not really of Camp Rock age and pray to God he's never in the Camp Rock fan club. He's already got 3 big sisters to influence him, no use egging it on.

So, I stepped in a hole on Ava's first day of school and jacked up my ankle. Jacked up meaning I tore all the ligaments in it and possibly fractured one of the bones but to get a definite answer on the fracture, a MRI would have to be done and, uh, I'm uninsured. Shit don't come cheap. Anyway, I've been in this God forsaken boot for two weeks. Jesus Christ, I thought we were already almost in 3 week territory, boo. I. Am. Over. It. I know that it could be much worse and there are people in far worse situations, but I am used to walking normally wearing shoes on both feet, or no shoes on both feet, but certainly not constantly wearing a boot that weighs 30 lbs to lug around day and night. I will have this boot on for at least 2 more weeks and for the first time in many months, I am SO fired up to work out and can not. Less than thrilled.

Jeremy and I are trying this whole budgeting thing and we did REALLY good the paycheck before last, but then we got a little extra money this paycheck and it's gone on freakin' fast food and a date night outing, which consisted of a TWELVE dollar shot. We live in West Texas, there is NO need for a TWELVE dollar shot. Jeremy faced the wrath of me after that one. We need to realize that extra money does not mean, WOO HOO JACKPOT, but rather, Hey, let's do something productive with this, like, perhaps buy pots and pans so that we can eat at home. I hate being an adult sometimes.

The end is near with the shanty! I guess Mike got his end finished up this weekend, so we need to do a little painting here and there and bada bing bada boom... we can move in. Hallelujah! It's going to be soooooooooo very nice to have our own place. I can hardly wait. I have not had my own place since Jan 3, 2009 and that is a LONG. FREAKING. TIME. when you have 2 kids and a Jeremy and sometimes his 2 kids.

This is random, but Keira was watching some show on her Rural Farming channel (gotta love country life) and apparently, it was/is the 20th anniversary of Lane Frost's death. Lane Frost was a bull rider who got stepped on, I believe, and the movie 8 Seconds is about him. ANYHOW, the guys were saying that he was a giant of a man and he believes that people like him are put on the Earth for only a short period of time and if we ever get a chance to spend time with someone like that, we need to grasp that opportunity. It just reminded me of Travis and how very fortunate I was to have been able to have known him. Instead of griping about having to wear a boot Travis would probably rig up some contraption to make it work for him instead of against him. It's nice to have him as a reminder every once in awhile when I start taking life a little too serious.

Corbin is this active, talking, little person now. It is just blowing my mind. He continues to steal my heart on a daily basis. It's so very true about how there's just something special about a relationship between a daughter and a father and the relationship between a mother and a son. I think mother and daughters, however strong the relationship may be, will clash heads until the daughter grows on into adulthood and then suddenly they are the best of friends. I also think, sons and fathers are the same way. But growing up, daddys will always have their baby girl's back and mamas will always have their baby boy's.

Where'd you go? I miss you so Seems like its been forever that you've been gone - Where'd You Go/Ft Minor

I was watching a montage of soldier homecomings today and bawled like a baby through the whole 5 minutes. I hated Matt's deployment. It made me go to some dark places and Matt came back pretty much living in a dark place, but there was one moment in there that will be one of my favorite memories for the rest of my life.

The time frame for Matt's arrival was changed about a million times before he actually showed up. I remember popping a whole bottle of Tums the day that he was coming home. The amount of nerves was absolutely insane. Matt, in true Matt form, intentionally waited to be the last person off the plane. I saw him come out of the doors and it is insane that my heart did not leap out of my chest. I felt like I was in one of those movies where it's slow motion and then he was there. Our family was complete and everything was absolutely perfect. That perfection obviously didn't last, but that feeling... knowing that he was home safe, that I wasn't alone anymore, that Ava had her Daddy back... The only way you can know what that feels like is if it's something you have personally experienced. Nothing short of amazing, that's for sure.

Matt and I went through so much together and not just minor things, we're talking big, life changing things. Baby in NICU, his mother being killed in a car accident, parents divorcing, deployment, depression, severe health problems... I think about mine and Jeremy's future and realize that we'll be facing our fair share of obstacles but pray to the powers that be that we do not face a slew of those challenges in the first 3 1/2 years of marriage.

You hold my hand and it's better than love. -Better Than Love/Griffin House

All right. I suck at regular blogging. HOWEVER, I'm going to change that!

Ava started Pre-K on the 23rd and is LOVING it. She gets up in the morning fairly easily and is always excited to tell me about what she did. I love that she loves school and that she's so smart. It makes me a proud mama.

I'm enjoying my three hours of quality time with Corbin in the morning while Ava's at school. Normally, we just watch cartoons together, but it's still nice to be able to spend some one on one time with him, since I haven't gotten to do a lot of that being as how he is child #2. He's had an absolute language explosion and his personality makes me fall in love with him more and more the more it develops.

Jeremy and I are phenomenal. We've had some growing pains as a couple, but have come through them better. We're starting to budget, which is never fun. We're learning that 4 kids kind of cut down on recreational funds and that's not much fun either. Both of us are learning how to parent the other one's kids and while my kids are young and pretty pliable, his kids are older and a little more set in their ways, so there's been a bit of resistance. Then, there's having to deal with exes and be respectful of relationships, but also try not to get run over in the process. It's A LOT of work, but most definitely worth it.

I chaperoned my first slumber party as a parent and it was DRAMATIC. Little girls are ridiculous! It was fun though and I'm so excited to have more of them with the girls. I also officially became a soccer mom on Tuesday. Ava started soccer and I can't get over how cute that child looks in her little soccer get up.

We're still working on the shanty. Matt has the kids this weekend, so I'm planning on getting some major work done on it, come hell or high water. Hopefully, by the middle of September we'll be moving in. I. Am. So. Ready. I've enjoyed being here at my dad's, but I'm ready for Jeremy and I and our little (big) family to start our own home.

I am, for all intents and purposes, a stay at home mom. Jeremy is in his last semester of the RN program, working 5 days a week, clinicals one day and class the other... I'm pretty much filling all the holes for pick-ups/drop-offs for his girls that him and Brandy can't get to, plus taking care of my babies. I'm enjoying it, for now, but I would like to get back into school-school by the Spring... we shall see.

Okay, that's the quick and dirty of what's going on. I'm gonna try and update this at least several times a week so that my updates aren't play by plays of my life for the past 3 months.

Ahh home, let me go home. Home is wherever I'm with you. -Home/Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

Man, I hardly ever write in here, but when I do... WHOO BOY... don't I have news?!

Drum roll please...

I AM ENGAGED!

Germy Germ popped the question a few weeks ago. It was mellow, low key, no pomp and circumstance... I wouldn't have wanted it any different.

We were at the house, where we first started, and he was acting REALLY weird. I kept asking if he was pissed off or what was going on. Anyway, we're in my room and he pulls me to the side of the bed and he's on the floor and all the sudden he goes in SUPER SRS mode.

He told me that he loved me more than he ever imagined possible, I was the epitome of everything he wanted in a person, that he loved my kids and felt blessed to be apart of their lives, loved how I was with his girls and that as long as I was around, he felt that everything would be okay.

The ring is GORGEOUS. I helped design it, but I wasn't real sure how it would turn out. I loooooooooove it.

My mom is not speaking to me... she apparently has nothing to say to me that I would like to hear, so, yeah. I spilled my heart out to her and she's yet to respond in any tangible way.

You know, I have spent my life bending over backwards to make that woman proud of me and she has made me feel like I was an utter failure over and over again. I love that woman, but I'm ready to stop letting her dictate my opinion of myself. I am an amazing mother, I am a good person and am a very very happy individual. I may not have lots of money in the bank or some fancy title next to my name, but Jesus Christ, if you can't be proud that your kid turned out to be a happy, well adjusted person... what exactly do you need from them?

I'm learning how to be in this "step-mom" role. We're fortunate that all the kids are young, his are 7 and almost 9, so we don't have to deal with teenage hormones on top of everything. That doesn't mean that there's not an adjustment.

We're learning how to handle disciplining the kids together and how to have each other's backs. I've tried to be consistent with my discipline of the kids and I guess for the most part I do a pretty good job of it. I'm the same way with his girls that I am with my kids and when Germy's not around, they do exactly as I tell them. When he is around... different story.

Both of his girls are poster children for "Daddy's Little Girls" and I love their relationship, BUT it does make discipline a little bit of a sore point. His youngest definitely has his card when it comes to that.

It's just hard. I know how I felt whenever my dad and step mom got serious and how all my territorial instincts came out. That was MY daddy and who did this woman think she was telling me how to act? But at the same time, I also have two kids watching my relationship with his girls and I don't want anybody to think that anyone is getting preferential treatment. I don't want the girls thinking that I'm trying to take their dad away from them, but at the same time, I don't want two kids to dictate the boundaries of our relationship.

We're getting through it and talking it out... Germy Germ's not exactly thrilled whenever we talk about it because while he agrees that I have a point, he doesn't enjoy feeling like I'm mad at him or not happy with the way he's doing things.

Good Heavens! Who knew?

A's pre-K registration is on Monday. When did that happen? When did that little baby that I learned how to take care of by stumbling blindly through day-by-day become a kid that needs to be registered for formal schooling?

Summertime and the living's easy...

Holy crap... over 3 months since my last post. I guess I've been kind of busy, or something.

Let's see...

Germy Germ (Jerm, Bachelor Man) and I are absolutely magically wonderful. We went to a concert in Austin at the beginning of March and the dynamic of our relationship changed completely. The "L Bomb" was dropped and it seems like we've been running forward ever since.

We're fixing up a house on my BIL's property and plan on moving in the first of July.

Also, I've picked out a ring...

The wedding wouldn't be until late Spring/early Summer next year, so that's a good thing... put a little bit of time into it so we're not jumping into something.

He is amazing with the kids and his kids are amazing. I'm actually staying at home with all FOUR kids during the summer.

Which brings me to my summer vacation... so far I have spent the first two days of playing stay at home mommy in my swim suit for 90% of the time. Germy and I are going to Austin for a show July 1st, then it's the lake for our family reunion that weekend, then Dallas for a vacation with all 6 of us which includes the Jonas Brothers/Demi Lovato/Camp Rock tour... plus random little trips. It's slightly insane keeping track of all four kids, plus my niece when she comes over, but I think after a couple weeks, I'll have it down. Having a swimming pool and living out on 15 acres of land doesn't hurt.

Things with M are... strained to say the least. I talked to one of his best friends that works for the VA and he wants to get him into a rehab facility. While he's not drinking, he's definitely dependent on prescriptions (anti depressants, xanax, some other stuff). M's pulling the act where he saying he's hiring a lawyer and taking me to court and he's going for custody of the kids and at this point, I almost think that him doing that would be a good thing. At least he wouldn't be able to say that he didn't get a fair shake if I was awarded the kids... again (which I'm 99.9% sure I would be). It just pisses me off that he had the opportunity to take part in the divorce proceedings the first time around and chose not to and is forever pissed with the outcome, even though he didn't screwed over in the slightest. M's buddy told me that he thinks that M is finally realizing that he doesn't have anybody to blame except himself for his current situation and that he's not liking that realization, probably because it means he'd have to take responsibility for something and Lord knows he doesn't know how to do that.

I'm feeling the urge to go back to school again. I know. I know. I know. 47th time's a charm right? I think I'm going to try and take whatever classes online that I can and kind of ease back into the school thing. Every time I tried to get back in, I did what I always do and went completely balls to the wall... 21 hours in one semester while pregnant? NOT. SMART. Germy should be making enough money that by the time I'm ready to hit the books full time on campus that I could probably do that without having to work and that would help A. LOT. I'm going to finish up cosmetology, but I definitely have my sights set on something a little bit more intellectually stimulating.