So, went MIA for a bit.
Just got back from a slightly extended vay-cay at BB's.
Every moment I am around him, I love him more and more. Everything is so natural. I love him not in spite of his flaws, but because of them. I see his faults and know they are there. I don't overlook them because I'm totally infatuated with him.
I've tried to keep my eyes as wide open as possible. When something comes up, I think to myself, is this something I could live with forever... or is it something that's going to become an issue after the newness wears off. So far, no issues.
My grandmother told me something whenever I was gushing about an old love... I was telling her how we could just talk and talk and talk. She said that it was great that we could talk because communication was wonderful, but it was the easy silence that you need to make sure you have.
I never put a lot of thought into that, but now I get it. With M, I had to fill the empty air with words, whether or not they had any significance... I couldn't just be with him.
Tuesday night there was a meteor shower and BB and I sat in the bed of his truck and watched the sky. We talked about love and kids and life and God... then there were moments where we sat, holding hands, our heads turned up to see another shooting star and I had no urge to say a word. All I wanted to do was sit there with BB and feel how overwhelmingly in love I was... I am.
"And everyone is running and I come to find a refuge in the easy silence that you make for me. It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me, and the peaceful quiet you create for me, and the way you keep the world at bay for me" -Easy Silence/Dixie Chicks
In other news, M's wanting to only pay $200 a month in child support... as opposed to $500. Apparently, he can demean my parenting abilities because I go to school and work... but he's some awesome dad because when he has the kids he has them all day. Great, he spends loads of time with them because he's unemployed and not going to school. That's not real life. Being a parent is an emotional, time, and financial commitment. You can't pick and choose.
I can not wait until this legal crap is done with and I get those papers saying I am officially divorced. Being in limbo sucks major ass.
No comments:
Post a Comment