How long can you pray and still not see a change? I faithfully remain. -Faithfully Remain/Ben Harper

I just watched the most retarded movie ever, "Wedding Daze", but it made me get a big "what if" in my mind. The two main characters decide on a whim to get married after a spontaneous proposal from the lead male within seconds of meeting the lead female.

The completely illogical, spontaneous side of me wants to just go get married to the next dude that I click with during introductions. Honestly, if I didn't have kids, it wouldn't be so hard to imagine myself doing that. At this point in my life, I feel like marriage is such a crap shoot anyway.

I mean, M and I looked good on paper, but in reality... not so much.

I invested my emotions in BB and Mr Man and wound up getting royally screwed on both of those.

Guess I'm just a little on the bitter side when it comes to relationships. Mr Man messed with me more than I initially thought. I miss him. I miss curling up in bed with him. I miss talking about random crap together. I miss being able to text him my random thoughts throughout the day. Ugh... so frustrating. I feel like I just got written off and yet, I can't help thinking that last Valentine's Day I was having dinner at Wall Street and then going to Jaguar's with him. That was the BEST V-Day ever.

I have a date on Thursday with my brother in law's buddy. He just turned 34, has two girls (6 and 8), a good job... Here's the kicker though, while he has been in relationships (he was with his baby mama until a year or so ago, they never got married) he has never formally courted a girl. Which means, this will be his first formal first date. Oh Em Gee.

Like, seriously? I honestly can not do anything the easy way. I can't just find a normal dude, with a normal dating history, with no kids or if he has kids, manages to have a normal relationship with baby mama, with a good job, with no mental problems, who manages to act like a grown ass man. I guess when you start dating guys that are older then you start dating people that are prone to have a bit more of a "history" than guys in their younger 20s.

My BIL assures me that Bachelor Man is a good guy and I'm sure he is, but Jesus Christ... I was also M's first formal relationship and look at how well that one turned out.

I'm just rolling with it and right now we're just hanging out as friends. I think the most physical contact we've had is me patting him on the leg after the Superbowl because the Colts lost. Should be interesting...