"We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.” -Calvin and Hobbes

I'm in a shitty mood and I'm trying to unfunkify my day.

Not going so well.

I've spent 75% of this week trying not to vomit due to some unknown bug that I caught from who knows where.

BB was supposed to come in today, but apparently he managed to contract the same bug I had. Today's appearance is a no go. More than likely, I'll see him tomorrow so I should just suck it up. I just haven't seen him in almost three weeks and I got used to seeing him every week there for a bit. I miss his ass.

This is why I don't like expectations. I tried this whole optimistic business but goodness gracious, I hate getting disappointed. I'd rather plan on not seeing him again until I move up there (if I move up there) in January. Then everytime I saw him in between now and then would just be a welcome surprise. Kind of a defeatist attitude, but whatever.

Then M had to be an ass and bring up what a shit move it was me moving the kids' furniture out of the house MONTHS ago. Okay, yeah that sucks that the kids' don't have their furniture up in Lubbock anymore, but myself or my mom purchased all their furniture, he let the kids' rooms stay trashed and I'm not going to let their stuff be ruined. It just pisses me off that the one outright semi-shitty thing that I did in our whole marriage has to be brung up continuously.

Nevermind the dozens of days/nights that he stayed out drinking and came home belligerantly drunk while I had to put the kids to bed and get them up without his help... nevermind the horrible things he told me... nevermind the fact that when I told him that all I needed from him to make me stay was to at least act like he gave a shit and he couldn't do that. I don't throw that in his face.

As far as I'm concerned, the day that I filed for divorce, the past was the past. I want what's best for him and I want him to get better. I don't want to run him into the ground by constantly bringing up his failures...

Maybe it makes him feel better because I'm actually on track to doing something with my life and I'm handling my business while he's sitting in the house doing absolutely NOTHING.

I think my iTunes is on a conspiracy to try and make my mood suck worse because it's picking some really depressing songs to listen to.

Damn the man, yo.